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Monday, January 25, 2016

Why Feel 'Sorry'?

Earlier this month I lost my mom to a long term illness. The responses from friends and colleagues has been appreciated but it also got me to thinking about something they all say.  It's a strange time to be thinking about this, I suppose, but my mind, however subtly, is always picking up on the odd thing.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

It's a common phrase everyone uses to express their feelings, but in a way it doesn't make sense. It's one of those word shadings, where you might have several words that generally fit but have subtle differences in meaning. The word 'sorry' implies an apology for a wrongdoing. The dictionary says: "to feel sorrow, regret, penitence." To feel sorrow might fit the circumstance, but not quite, to my way of thinking.

 As to regret or penitence... Did the person speaking have something to do with the death? Were they responsible in any way? I doubt it, unless they're guilty of committing murder and they're sorry for what they've done. Since that's undoubtedly not the case, why would someone apologize for something that's beyond their control?

Another phrase that doesn't seem to be used as much is: "My condolences for your loss." That one word, condolence means sympathy for another's sorrow. To my way of thinking, that one simple statement says so much more. It conveys something a little more intimate without crossing any lines. It also subtly offers support in a person's time of need.

The sentiments expressed by others are always greatly appreciated. It helps the bereaved deal a little better with their loss and lets them know they're not alone in their grief. In spite of my penchant for examining word usage at the oddest moments, I do appreciate when those sentiments are expressed.